SIgh , My life is meaningless. I started to hate schooling. I don't know why. Perhaps is because o lvl is just 3 mth away and I still don't know anything. Everyday in class daze and feel so stupid & lost.. whenever it comes to english group work , my english is th worst among my group. & therefore , i keep quiet like so useless.. All i could do is try my best to skip school with all sort of exuses. But mum know I was just faking to be ill . she would just scold me and all i hear is scolding ..

boyf , it's all because of my stupid act that i betrayed him once , now he no longer care about me . I guess starting i have a relationship is all because i need care & love from him. but now , it's all gone .. my life is getting meaningless. not knowing what i am suppose to do .. I wish that , he could listen to my problem , but he dont.. all he know is to lost temper and scold me . when i burst into tears , he would just ask me stop crying , and shout at me , what i want .. i feel so depress ..

I wonder why , just why I do not have th courage to commit sucide . when life became meaningless , living is worst than dying .. everyday wake up , feeling lost , don't know what to do . go school , study so hard for what ? I wont be happy anyway . if so , it will only be th result .. but if i don't score well , i would suffer isn't it ? mum always told me , I have to study hard for future if I don't want to stuggler in life . but when i force myself to achieve everything , in th end , what's th reason for it ? If i would to study , next time when i become housewives , everything is just so useless now .. i know , if i have th money , next time my children will not have to suffer , and they can learn what they want .. but i just cant find a good reason to convince myself to work hard .. I just dont know what's life all about..

All i could do is just keeping everything in my heart ,  feeling so miserable .. But to use laughter to cover up everything ..and worse , when i started to burst into tears , noone is there for me .. i wonder how long will i be able to stand all this .. perhaps , when i no longer able to take it , and my courage for death is here , I will be gone just like this ....